Let's just say I wish our coffee shop was like Dick's Last Resort. (Side note, the reviews here are hilarious as some of the patrons clearly didn't know the premise of the restaurant before going!) For anyone that hasn't eaten at a DLR before, I highly recommend it. Why? Because most of the time the wait staff is saying what all of us in the service industry wish we could.
OK, here comes my tangent. I remember my first time eating at a DLR. I was attending a conference in Denver and a group of 10 of us went there for dinner. I didn't know anything about the restaurant. Thankfully it was a large group, and I wasn't first in the waiter's eye...
The waiter began asking for drinks and the first girl at the table stalled, “Um, well I guess…”
"Next!" Replied the waiter as he moved on to the next guest. He went around the table and the girl he had skipped at the beginning tried to speak up to order whatever beverage she had settled upon.
The waiter said, "OK, the soda fountain's over there" pointed and walked away.
She chuckled and assumed he was kidding.
When he returned with drinks for everyone else, she just looked at him quizzically.
He barked back with a pause for dramatic effect between each word, "The - Soda - Fountain - Is - Over - There!"
Again he pointed and walked away.
During this time another guest in our group busted out laughing and explained the premise of the restaurant.
So, when the food was delivered and the waiter dumped a kid-sized plastic beach pail of french fries in front of the guy that ordered an extra side of fries, we all laughed (even the 'soda-girl').
It just went on from there and many of us played back into the banter, so we all had a good time.
So if our coffee shop had the same style of ‘customer service’ rules and level of accepted bluntness from the staff as DLR, today may have gone like this:
“No, I’m not kidding, we do charge for soy milk and if that 40 cents is going to break you, stay home.”
“No, Calorie Counting Cathy, we still don’t have a chart of calories. Here’s your water. Nothing else for you today. Drop and give me 50 crunches to burn off the calories from whatever you *thought* about ordering! - And to relieve the tension you just gave me.”
“Sir, go to the corner for time-out and if you can come back and act like a respectful person then I’ll get you your tea.”
“You’re banned. Never come back. I’ve told you before I am not interested. And no, it’s not cute that you keep asking. The only person that thinks it is cute is your idiot friend.”
“No you don’t come in here every morning, I work here 5 mornings a week and I don’t recognize you, so no, you can’t have an extra shot on the house for being a good customer. Go sweep the patio area and I’ll give you a free shot.”
“No, I won’t give you that guy’s $28 receipt so you can expense it. You can have your receipt for $1.82.”
“No, you can’t take a picture with me for the scavenger hunt. In fact, you have to pay double for asking.”
“No, we’re out of coffee today.”
"Tell your friend on the other end of the phone to order you a coffee wherever she is and go talk to her in person. You're waisting time for the 30 people behind you that like me, don't care about your conversation so don't put your finger up to hush me one more time."
“Ma’am, I’m pretty sure that’s enough collagen.”
But alas, we’re a “friendly neighborhood” coffee shop, so I didn’t do any of the above. Instead, I stared blankly at these people’s eyebrows while they blathered on, so they wouldn’t know I wasn’t even looking at them.
Now, I get to kick back, relax and watch Ellen.
Tip your baristas, they're here all day,
Currently Caffeinated, Dee
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